Freedom of Exploration.

it has been quite a while since i last updated. had a lot of stuff happening since i last updated. been busy with production projects and competitions, it's really been an insane month for me.

dad's been here and i got to spend the week with him. he's one of the coolest persons in the world i know, and my friends who have met him seems to think so, too. i feel so lucky as a daughter to be blessed with such a cool dad. his goodbye a few hours ago as he went back to iloilo was one of the most sentimental moments of my life.

someone told me i'm a hard person to love. sadly, i have been thinking that for quite a while now, and it was confirmed by my ex boyfriend who so bitterly yet objectively pointed it out. it hurts, but is it the truth?

things get me thinking a lot of times. really. when it comes to love, why am i always so... unlucky? hehehe. anyway, that's the thing. when you love someone, you should think of him first.

in my case, when i love, i'd like him to love himself first before loving me. i dunno, is it a weird thought?

oh well, that's me, kia. know me without knowing me.

• Link to This
• Back to top

If everything goes well, i'll finally live my dream. I love music! I love performing! I do it for God, for all my loved ones. Support is evident. And it makes me go on despite the sleepless nights in the recording studios, etc... i am compelled to do my best for the people I love, and the one who gave me this amazing opportunity.

Purpose. It made all the difference.

• Link to This
• Back to top

I like him.

No, maybe it's not just like, but i fell for him. but he doesn't know it. when he's there, i'm happy. i forget about stuff i got through. there's still hope, he says about my condition.

It's an involuntary feeling. Perhaps I'm not over that stage yet.

It's a one way thing, though. I know so. Call it a gut-feeling. And when it comes to gut feelings, i am rarely wrong.

So I'll settle for this: "At least out loud, I won't say I'm in love."

You go, Megara.

• Link to This
• Back to top

Kang, i dont hav d email ads of ur frends, so pki forward nlng. mama wanted to tel dem ds, so ako na dn.

epi, louj, matthew, josie (tama ba, kang?)

kayo lagi nakkwento samin dito whenever she calls home. we are happy because you understood her condition, though you don't fully understand what she has to go through for now. she's going thru a lot, and it really warms our heart to hear her happy whenever she calls, and kayo nagpapasaya sa kanya. kahit na mahirap pinagdadaanan nya ngayon nakakaya nya.

just so you know, having you around for our daughter is already the start of her road to recovery. God has different remedies, and we thank you for being part of her healing. we can tell na masayang masaya si kang dahil kaibigan nya kayo.

thank you for sharing with her your time and your love. she needed that. more than anything, we sure she appreciated it wholeheartedly. thank you for sharing her load.

we thank God for all of you.

her happiness is ours. and you make us very happy, grateful, thankful that you came for her.

should you need anything and we'd be able, don't hesitate to ask.

in prayer,

Raul & Cor Alvarez

ME: teeeeaaaaarrrrrrssss...... i am so blessed.

EPHY! LOUJ! MATT! JOSIE! LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!

• Link to This
• Back to top

hello dear blog I soooo missseddd youuu!!! (okay, i am communing with an inanimate object. anyway. i'd like to share a personal conversation I had with God. I just felt Him whisper, really. I mean, if you just listen, you'll hear Him. it's amazing.

me: hi Dad. (i like to call Him that when i pray)

God: what happened to your day today?

me: i sang in the univ center. it was family day, and i brought my non biological family with me

God: i saw you. it's good you use what i gave you for that cause. you know the lady you sat with at the table?

me: rose's mom?

God: yes, that's the one. she's been having troubles with their business lately. i know that lightened her up a bit.

me: really?

God: they have a small business, she works as a housewife and she takes care of a small business in their home.

me: wow. well, i have You to thank for that. I couldn't have lightened her up if you have not given me the gift of song.

God: i see you're learning humility very well. keep that up.

me: for you, Dad.

God: anything else you want to tell me?

me: well, there's thid guy in school...

God: Ma--

me: DAD!! shhhhh!!

God: *chuckes* you plan to share this conversation.

me: yes. i know you know. *chuckle chuckle*

God: so what about it?

me: well, i like him. i mean, really like him.

God: i know.

me: and... i dunno if ..

God: he feels the same way.

me: he does???

God: relax, i was just finishing your sentence.

me: oh. but you know if he does..?

God: of course I do. but it's his freedom of choice to tell you.

me: i knew you'd say that.

God: don't you worry. you won't find out through me. i'll provide the time.

me: oh alright.

God: it's late, child, you better rest now. and don't worry about ma--

me: DAD!

God: yes, yes, i know. i was going to say don't worry about--

me: i know what you're gonna say.

God: math.

me: uh.. i don't have math

God: exactly. which leaves you not worrying about anything.

me: oh Dad. you make me smile.

God: my job.

me: thanks. good night Dad.

God: good night, child.

Try to start a conversation with him. It feels really good.

• Link to This
• Back to top

Annoying Things To Do In An Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

Okay. I seriously wanna try it. HAHA.

Good laugh.

• Link to This
• Back to top

Oh nothing. I jst decided to pop in for some reason. Happy father's day to my dad.. it means a lot to me that you came! Love you so much. And to all the fathers out there, you deserve the love.

DADDY! Proud to be your daughter. Proud to be called yours. Proud of making you proud, feeling your love, being with you makes me very very happy. Thank you for the stories, the patience, most of all, the time.

God let me feel how blessed I am to have such a father.

Promise is a promise, dad! I WILL get you that house on the hill in Sydney. I'll have my distribution company by then. Haha. I know God will let me. And everythng WILL be okay.

Ama. Tatay. Daddy. Papa. however i call you, dad.. I'm your girl!

• Link to This
• Back to top

I'm not happy here anymore. never have i felt lonelier in my entire life. with all the things that's been bugging me since i got here, i just don't know if i have the strength to face this head on, like the past. no, this is way different. this is so much harder to bear. and what's weird is that i don't feel anyone ready to be there this time. perhaps they all have gotten enough of my drama.

i don't blame them. i mean, i know, i brought this unto myself. perhaps i still don't get the lesson God's been trying to teach me, that's why He keeps on sending all these tribulations to teach me more, until i get what He's been trying to say.

i'm not good with hiding how i feel. right now, i'm a confused being. i'm hurt and i don't know how to deal with this anymore. it's just such a big burden to carry, and i don't want to drag anyone to carry it with me. at least, not anymore. it's too heavy for me though, but i have no choice but to go through it alone. i break down very easily, and my sensitivity has reached its peak. even when i'm around my friends, i still feel alone, perhaps more alone than when i'm literally alone. maybe i like to isolate myself. or maybe, i just feel myself drifting away for some reason. i can't seem to relate to anyone anymore. i'm a different person now. it hurts to feel like i'm drifting away just when i need people the most. but maybe, i don't want to need people. no, i do, it's just that, i can't properly speak about my situation. they seem so happy. talking about stuff under the sun (which nowadays, i find hard to relate to). most of the time, i again feel out of place. i mean, even when i'm here already, i still feel like i'm far away. i try so hard to drive that feeling away but knowing what's going on, i can't. that's what hesitates me to vent. to talk. to reach out. i talk at times. when i fall silent, that's when the thought gets fully blown unto me and i just linger on it for as long as i can. i can't talk. i can't move. shades out, i cry. when i talk, when i smile, when i laugh, i struggle. at the end of the day, i cry to sleep. i try to let myself think of other things, i fail. i voice out about those other things i try to distract myself with, i fail. i try to open it up, i hesitate. i don't want to destroy the happy ambiance. i don't.

that being so, i have no choice but to go through this alone.

i know i may have hurt some people with this entry, but i want to be true right now. things are just so hard, even masking yourself doesn't work anymore. trying to smile and enjoy doesn't work anymore. i'm about to lose someone really dear to me. someone i love more than any other person in the world. i know what it's like to lose someone you love, but losing someone you really, really love is far different. i'm not prepared for that. i don't want to prepare for that. when she's gone, i don't know how i will find myself again. i'll never be able to get over it. i hope you understand why i haven't been myself lately. and all these stuff i said today, these are all my own doing. my own thoughts. my own feelings. i say it again, i brought this unto myself. i don't have anywhere to run to. i can't ease it up. no matter what anyone says, i still can't accept it. the burden is as heavy as it was before.

the best comfort i have so far is this:

"mama loves you, little warrior."

-my mom.

(i'm crying as i type this.)

[to those i've hurt, i'm sorry. i don't mean to offend. this is all ME.]

• Link to This
• Back to top

"Jonathan Grigg, Professor of Paediatric Respiratory and Environmental Medicine at Queen Mary University London, said: "Idiopathic pulmonary haemosiderosis is a rare disease, the cause of which is unknown.

"Affected patients have episodes of bleeding in the lungs, which often need hospital admissions, and in some cases it can be life threatening. This is normally combated by the use of continuous oral steroids (which can have major side effects).

Dr Cooke said that idiopathic pulmonary haemosiderosis is a devastating condition. Characteristic of this condition is the accumulation of protein-bound iron in the lungs, a consequence of repeated bleeding in the lungs, coupled with inflammation and fibrosis. Ultimately this condition is usually fatal. Treatment to prevent the lung damage and prevent anaemia is a combination of corticosteroids and iron supplement.

Both chronic inflammation, and the presence of iron, released following bleeding into the lungs, can lead to a condition known as oxidative stress. Oxidative stress occurs when the production of free radicals, highly reactive chemicals, outweighs antioxidant defences. This leads to a great deal of damage to cells, and in particular DNA, the cell's 'blueprint', and is likely to be responsible for the fibrosis, as the lungs try to repair the damage done by free radicals."

-from science daily

I should not have researched on that. That's really scary. One fatal disease after another.

• Link to This
• Back to top

"Hi Baby Kang!

              I hope you're doing ok now. I know it was hard for you to make a decision whether you should stay or not but I know what you want and i'm sure God does, too. I know that you want to stay to be with me but knowing that you would have wanted to give up your dream and your future for me is worth more than the sweetest words anyone could mutter. It makes me feel important and much loved, kang. But you know that i can't ever forgive myself if you don't live your dream because you chose to be with me, knowing i don't have that much time to live now. if you stayed, you'd be giving up the chance a lot of sutdents pine for, that's the chance to receive the best education in the best university in the country. if i go, it would be hard for you to return. why quit then go back when you can just continue? this is a hard case for you, i know, but i know your faith. it helped you in the past, i'm sure it won't fail this time. you have been given a wonderful opportunity-the best way to learn more about your craft and succeed in the future. and should God take me before you march, kang, remember, i promised i wouldn't miss it for the world. you three know that. i'd be up there, watching you graduate from top view. you loved me enough to give up your dream and that means a lot. I love you enough not to let you.

              remember kang, i'm always here for you. when time comes and i have to go, dwell on that fact. just pray if you need mama's embrace. the wind will cover for me, and i'll make sure you'll feel every single touch. i'm proud of you, brave little angel! mama loves you so much. take care of yourself, as i will take care of you. God bless!

                                                                                                                Love,

                                                                                                                 Mama"

I'm a sad, vulnerable person right now. I hide when i cry. I cry hard when i do. i can't find comfort anywhere, because nobody knows how i feel unless they went through the same thing. i want to go home. I want to spend every waking hour i have with my mom. she's my inspiration. it hurts a lot. nobody knows that. maybe people know a bit of it, but they might never understand how i feel. i try to smile, to enjoy, to laugh. i can't. i just can't. at the end of the day, i look up and ask why. but then i think, i never questioned God for my joys and triumphs. why do i question Him now when i'm breaking down?

I don't want to vent in front of my friends. i don't want to ba a source of depression. I don't want to be a kill joy because of something i can't accept right now. that's why i wait till they can't see me until i completely break down. when tears can't help flowing, i use the company of my shades. the thought never leaves me. i'm scared.

God is as silent as He always is. He's working on it. He's not much of a talking being, He's more of a working being. He's silent because He's giving me the space to spit it all out. He is what i need Him to be right now.

Not my boss.

Not my teacher.

Not my king.

Not my preacher.

But my DAD.

• Link to This
• Back to top

I'm so drained from that getaway! We again visited my favorite nature park/resort Mambukal. We almost got to ride on the slide for life. It was kind of a canopy walk, but when we got to the place no one was there to supervise. Oh well, we got to the boating site instead. Hooraay for Kayak races! Then we went for a swim, occassional eating in between. After the resort, the day wasn't over. We went to SM Bacolod to watch a movie. We went home at about 11pm that day and everyone went (zzzzzz......).

The next day we went to a birthday party, but we called it a reunion. Everyone went home from the states to go to that party. Aside from eating, what else did my cousins and I do? Pictorials with the most fascinating facilities in the playground, e.g. slide, swings, seesaws... Oh yes. That's what you call going back to childhood.

Eating was again the major activity the next day. After going to mass the next day we went to a graduation party of my cousin. Whoa. I helped in the food prearation. I cannot stop eating there. The brownies were something else. And get this, we all had fun with the karaoke machine! I did most of the singing, while everyone danced to the sounds of the Pussycat Dolls, Christina Aguilera, and all those other danceable songs. That was so much fun.

I can't wait for sem break to do all those again!

• Link to This
• Back to top

I finally had a shot at real vacation. Going to where the heart is-- home. Bacolod City is one of the many places in the world not everyone has knowledge about. But for me, it's one of the coolest places in the world.

I just came back from Seaside Resort and I had such a blast. Nothing beats home as it is. Tomorrow the whole family again goes to any native restaurant here since my grandpa planned to treat us somewhere. Well, his grandchildren are here. Hehe.

It's my mom and dad's 21st wedding anniversary tomorrow! Hooraay! They get to spend time alone, perhaps that's why we were encouraged to go here first?

Then Friday's the big day. WEEEE! Mambukal Resort! It's about a two hour drive from where we live but the long travel time is worth-it. It's away from the city so it has that natural peace tick to it. And very very... NATURAL. Green all over.

Bacolod City. I love this place.

• Link to This
• Back to top

I watched an interesting episode on Tyra Banks this morning. I can't tell you how much it got me thinking. There were these three girls, Sandra, 17, Jessica, 18 and Erica, 14, who so desperately want to be the "popular kids in high school". The common denominator among them were two things: "If I become popular, I'd be the happiest girl in the world." and "I want to be like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie."

Poor things.

So here's what they did, the producers of the show planned a fake hollywood party somewhere in LA just to give them a taste of what popularity feels like. They hired party goers and three actresses who played the role of the "it" girls. They had fake alcoholic drinks around and even fake drugs. The girls had no idea that there were cameras all around the hired residence and that everything was a set up. Here, they were tested on how far they will go to get that popularity they've always wanted.

So there, peer pressure comes and the three hired actresses did a makeover for the girls, (with the help from the show's stylist, who pretended to be the girls' friend), got them to wear skimpy clothes and did their hair and make up. When they were done it was time for mission number one, find out if the girls would give in to alcohol. Fake alcohol, that is.

Two of them did. Sandra and Jessica. Erica, the youngest of them all, refused. After that, it was on mission number two. Peer pressured to hook up. All three of them danced like crazy, each with a certain guy. Jessica gave her number to one after the party. The others merely danced. Then the final test came: peer pressured to do drugs. Again, Sandra and Jessica gave in. Erica, again, didn't.

They watched it along with their parents on the show, and one of them, Sandra, broke down as her mother told her this:

"You're becoming a follower. Not a leader."

I used to be that. One of the popular kids in high school. People greeting you everytime you turn around, your name in every issue of the school paper, being onstage at every event, people coming up to you every now and then and tell you how you became an inspiration to them, etcetera. But no, i wasn't the drug/drinking/smoking kind of person. Hardwork got me there. Confidence got me there. Built-in high. No, i'm not bragging. My point is, you don't need to succumb to bad peer pressure in order to have fun. You don't need popularity in order to live free. Popularity leads to a lot of expectation, and eventually leading to changing for the worst. No, there is the good poularity. Being an inspiration. Just being yourself ang being happy with what you are. And when people accept you for being who you are, you are receiving something genuine. But if you start being someone else, conforming to what they want, all you are receiving is something that they want, but it just isn't you. And if they love you for being someone else, they love that someone else, not you.

Popularity for being someone else is not popularity at all. It's just a world where people love the different person you have created out of what others think. It's not you. So if you really look at it, you are still not popular. Who is popular? That fictional character the others created out of you.

The best kind of popularity is being loved for who you are. The easiest thing in the world is to be yourself. Just live free. And if you are loved for who you are, it gives a greater feeling than having all those people pour over someone you are not.

Hey, this even works in products. Sure, the fake ones are so easy to get. But the ones which are more popular are those which are genuine. Not so easy to get. But they are the ones who usually last longer. Sure, the fake ones are affordable. The genuine stuff are almost priceless. Wonder why?

The fake ones hold less VALUE than the genuine ones.

Be someone else, you'll be affordable. They can easily buy you.

Be yourself, you'll be priceless. You'll be worth a lot.

• Link to This
• Back to top

It started from that quote. I forgot how it goes but there you go, real friends are like stars. Yep. And you started calling me that. I happen to like it a lot, too.

Tough cookie, that's another story.

Hmmm. Perhaps I'm just too bored nowadays. You know what, I am so glad I chose that environmental science class. It made all the difference in the world.

You pushed me to go on if there are stuff that pressed me so far underground. You dug it up, let me through and cheered me on as i walked further. When I was lonely and I needed someone to talk to, may it be about life, love, disease, body types, penguins, jewish people, goldfishes or just arguing whether blue jay was a fish or a bird, you were there. You are one of the best listeners I ever came across with.

When I have a problem, you don't just talk about it. You seek to help me. You want me happy. You cry with me when I'm sad. You laugh when everyone else is trying to think about laughing. You share everything with me.

Perhaps the best thing you ever did for me is teaching me about loving God. About resigning to the fact that God will provide. About trusting that everything will work out fine, in His time.

You mean so much to me. Everything you ever taught me will be forever embedded in my story. You let me learn so much in the process of my growing up. Forevermore, I am thankful. For you. for your love. For your gift. For your friendship. Don't ever think you have not done enough. You loved me for who I am. In the course of my being, nobody has ever loved me like that, except for my family. Never have I felt that care for so long a time. Yes, that is why i consider you my family as well. Perhaps that's one of the reasons why God sent you. So I can still feel the love of my family even if I'm far from them.

For that and for many more, I thank you. My best friend, my sister, my angel.

Love you to bits. Love you everyday.

Love,

Kia

• Link to This
• Back to top

I was just thinking a lot today. Last night, i slept at about 3 am. I was just in bed, trying to deal with a thousand thoughts rambling through my head. Most of it was about being in love. In thinking so, i realized a couple of things.

Number one, you can't make someone fall in love with you. It just actually comes to the individual's thoughts, whether the ideal picture is painted once he looks at you. Nothing can paint it for him, except himself. And he decides whether he takes it or not.

Number two, there is a fine line between fantasy and reality. In love, it is dangerous to fall in love with a fantasy. A picture. A painting. A holographic image. A movie icon. An impersonation. An image. A lot of times, when we think we are in love, we really should guess again. Because a lot of times, we may just be in love with an image. Just because there is no stop in time or violin music playing in the background doesn't mean this person can't be the one. Sometimes, we yearn so much for someone we can't have, not knowing that the very person we've been looking for has always been right in front of us. That's why I strongly believe in the power of friendship. This helps in rubbing off the image and seeing the real thing. There is no such thing as falling in love with the real thing. Scratch the falling. Loving the real thing is the real deal. Choosing to love the real thing.

Number three, we don't have to look for Mr. or Ms. Perfect. A person becomes perfect by the love he is given. When we love, the beauty comes forward, the faults are overlooked, forgiven. The power of love can enable a person to change for the better.

And number four, there is the greatest irony. You'll know you really love someone when things start to hurt so much... yet you still choose to love. When someone you love don't love you back the way you'd hope, that hurts like hell. It does. I won't be a hypocrite, it has happened to me. Tears escaped. I have been in love before, but not like quite recently. Before, when I loved, i fell in love with fantasies. Some dreams i used to have as a little girl. Dancing under a shade of a tree of being kissed under fireworks display... these were all just illusions formed, realized, then shattered. Those guys, i realized, fell in love with an illusion as well. The superficial reasons. Staying there, nothing further. When they hurt me, I tried so hard to get over them. I did.

That was then. Now, I find it hard to get over somebody. I got hurt a fair few times, but I let it go. I didn't care. I went on loving him, and the funny thing is, i chose to do so. I couldn't care less about how i felt, because what was the point of being with someone when he's not happy being with you, right? That's selfish. Love shouldn't be driven by selfish motives.

The reason why I can't forget though, is this: nobody has ever loved me the way he did. And because of that, I decided on something: just let him be. He's happier with someone else, and that's the way it should be. He should be with whoever makes him happy. Whoever brings out the best in him. The hurt i'm going through will end one day. But i will never be able to forgive myself if I hurt him again. If i try to give in to my selfishness again. No, i choose to endure the pain. Our friendship mean more to me than my fantasies. But no, the loving won't stop. The loving goes on. That's the amazing thing about the heart. Even if it's broken, one can still love with all the little pieces.

Perhaps this is something I should be proud of. I learned unconditional love. I learned it the hard way, but who cares? I still learned.

And even though most of the people who, ummm, fell for me fell for the superficial reasons, there is still someone who loves me for who I am. For my imperfections. For who I was, who I am, and for who I will be. No one loves me like GOD does.

You know who you are. All I can say is, I would not have learned all these if it weren't for you. Love you to bits. You affected change in my life. You saved it a couple of times. Sometimes we may think we aren't good enough for some things, but the best thing shines when all else is dark. You have a gift beyond anything you could ever imagine. You love amazingly.

Everything's okay now. When I vent, I spit everything out. Perhaps, this is the acceptance stage.

Here's to you. My best friend. My brother. My angel.

Thank you.

• Link to This
• Back to top

I recently watched Cashback the Movie. So much stuff I learned, particularly about seeing the beauty in stuff that happens. Perhaps, quoting lines wouldn't hurt. These are my favorite excerpts from the film:

Ben: I've always wanted to be a painter, maybe have my work hung in a gallery one day.
Sharon: I've always wanted to meet a painter.
Ben: Why?
Sharon: I think it might have something to do with their ability to see beauty in everything.

and this line made me think:

Once upon a time, I wanted to know what love was. You just have to see that it's wrapped in beauty and hidden away in between the seconds of your life. If you don't stop for a minute, you might miss it.

-Ben Willis (played by Sean Biggerstaff)

Kudos to Sean Ellis, the writer and director. Watch it if you get the chance.

• Link to This
• Back to top

"...why is our nation still buried underground? Because we still fail to realize the reality that we cannot depend on the youth to change a phase. As ugly as it may seem to sound, young people only base their thoughts on what is empirical, not exactly on what is actually happening. How then, can they be credible enough in order to change anything? The youth, yes, is the hope of the fatherland but how? Education and experience. And who has more of these? Those who are actually sitting in position, they who can analyze all possible sides of the situation. What can the youth do?.."

                                                                                                                    -Some columnist.

I beg to disagree. Yes, youth are inexperienced when it comes to, say, city or nation governance. The experience we derive our thoughts from are not only empirical, though. I guess it is safe to say that being the victims of those political stains is more than enough to let us be aware of what is actually happening.

Another thing is this: it mentioned that education and experience help in the credibility of changing a phase. Yes, exactly. So how do we become credible? Experience and awareness. A college degree is not the only proof of this. These are all technical knowledge, although I'm not saying it doesn't help. I say though, the situation at hand does not only require an approach that is derived from the conventional stuff we learn from books. Many times, practicality is more important, as the decisions made are based on the situation. Analysis. Adaptation and knowing how to act upon a problem. The youth can change a phase. We just need to be heard.

In my place, there is a time when selected student leaders are given a chance to take over the city as city officials for a week. This is how we are givem the experience and awareness we need in order to at least change something in the city. And you know what? A lot of the approved laws and propositions in my city are made by these student leaders. With this, the Interact club was formed, a club that is made up of those who participated in the youth city governance program. The government considers the youth as a vital part of society and therefore helps this club by hearing them out and helping them understand what is happening and giving them the opportunity to think of possible solutions, (which they also actually consider).

With the Interact club, the city was able to build 1 hospital, 3 day care centers in strategic places in the city, and even contributed to the funds that aimed to provide a new route in the city. While this is underway, they even proposed an alternative route for the public utility vehicles to take so as not to deal with traffic caused by the construction. It works.

Youth works. If given the chance, we can do things. We can affect change.

• Link to This
• Back to top

Bare Hands

I lie awake, the moon hath come

The shimmering light hath ruled the dome

The words escape as my hand writes

I chase a dream of winning a fight

My eyes dart down and soon they sought

The battle scars the thorn had brought

Looked at a face, my mind explodes

I shout out loud, "Why such a load?"

I rest my head and closed my eyes

And through a dream, He sought my cries

He told me, "Child, you see the sand?

Go write your pains with your bare hands."

As my hand glided through the sand

My tears fell down upon my hand

When I was done, I heard again

A voice called out from the heavens

"I've seen you cry, I know your fears

Thou shalt not worry, I am here

Now all your pains are written on sand

Watch me work with my bare hands."

Before my eyes, a great big wave

Had washed the shore, and I was saved

My fears on sand had disappeared

I knelt in prayer and shed a tear

A gush of wind so great it seemed

Had swooped on me on that one dream

When I awoke, I saw the sun

And I thanked Him for what He's done

"All I wanted was see your face

You gave me more, a Dad's embrace

You let me write my fears on sand

Then washed them away with your bare hands."

• Link to This
• Back to top

Three Words

I peep out

Shed a tear

Out the world

I see clear

I am held

By a lass

As my life

Start to pass

And I grow

Time with me

Just the joys

Do I see

By and by

I sense storm

Grip my faith

I feel warmth

I hold on

To His hand

Pain is here

Still I stand

And I see

Past the gates

No more fear

No more hate

Tread the path

I now walk

Come home to

House of Rock

Take my hand

He now says

I look up

See His face

I let go

Took His hand

Now to live

In His land

Out the world

I see clear

They look up

Shed a tear

I'll watch them

All the time

No more tears

I am fine.

05.17.07   6:09pm

• Link to This
• Back to top

I'm just waiting. The university real time enlistment bugs me in a lot of ways. It lets you wait and wait and wait and wait....

I suppose it tests patience. That's the good side of it, i'm guessing. Oh well. It just goeas to show that in order to see the rainbow you have to put up with the rain.

• Link to This
• Back to top

Two friends are walking down the beach one day. Let's call them Tim and Tom. They got into an argument until Tim slapped Tom hard 'round the face.

Tom then wrote on the sand: "Tim slapped me today."

After things got settled, a horrible storm blew in. A branch of a tree broke and fell down fast, going to Tom's direction. Upon reflex, Tim pulled him out of the way just in the nick of time.

After the storm, Tom found a rock. He wrote: "Tim saved me today."

Curiousity befalling upon Tim, he asked, "Why did you write me slapping you on sand, and me saving you on rock?"

"Simple," Tom said. "Sand gets washed away by waves and wind. Rocks are stronger and more permanent."

So what are the two rules in writing?

1. Write the bad stuff on sand. The winds and waves are forgiving. 

2. Write the good stuff on stone. It lasts.

• Link to This
• Back to top

I found out the disadvantages of being beautiful for some people. They are often the victims of people who fall in love for the superficial reasons. What is beyond what's superficial is most often overlooked. And what's overlooked is most often what matters.

Tsk tsk.

• Link to This
• Back to top

Never regret anything because at one point it was exactly what you wanted.

I have my syringe scars to prove it.

• Link to This
• Back to top

Sometimes, the wind just glides your face, letting you know of its existence. When time passes, it actually shouts how it doesn't stick around forever. When a little boy pats you at the back, it lets you know of a need to be recognized, to be noticed, to let you be aware of his wants, maybe, his needs.

A lot of beings don't usually recognize what's in their lives, let alone what has been there for the past (insert age here) years or so. We look for stuff we think is beyond our reach, but don't really know it has been right in front of us. It brushes us in the face yet we fail to recognize it. We want more. When can people ever be satisfied?

If we are not happy now, no matter where we are, how far we will go or what nature we are in, we will never be happy. Happiness is not what's in the end of the road. Happiness is the road.

The sad fact is, sometimes, we miss the diamond while we are so busy collecting more stones.

Thoughts to be pondered on.

I am Kia. A writer.

I write to change the world.

• Link to This
• Back to top

I am Kia. I am a writer. I write to express. I write to vent. I write so I can tell whoever cares what is happening around me. In a pathologically dissatisfied world I live in, I want to take delight in simple things. I want to be content. I want to cheat on life. I want my rules on happiness to be simple so they will be stacked on my favor. I am a writer. I write to change the world. I touch my little corner. I let that touch flow for countless millenia. I write about God. About miracles. About life. About love. About friends. About family. About me. I am a writer. You don't know how I look like. But you will know me. I will allow you to know me without knowing me. You will pull past the physical being. The pnysical stature. You will know the real me. I will write about me.

I am Kia. I am a writer.

• Link to This
• Back to top